I cannot explain the reasons why, but for some reason I have the holiday season on the brain. As I key in each word from my home office here in Arizona, is it over 100° and there is surely a looming wall of dust on the horizon. Regardless, I was recently thinking about how that jolly old elf would do if given the task of managing an email marketing program. Here are some notes on how I think he would perform.
Building a List
If Santa Claus was an email marketer, his lists would be pristine and his process for building them would rival that of the most established and credible email marketing savants.
He would not rely merely on website form sign-up. He would promote his messaging program via online and offline advertising campaigns. He would accept hand-written pleas, and I imagine he might even do some in-person list building outreach (presumably at your area shopping mall).
At the time of email address acceptance, he would work to gather additional information about his recipients learning what they want from him and what he could possibly deliver to conjure visions of dancing sugar plums, sounds of sleigh bells, and the olfactory sensation of roasting chestnuts.
Not only would the venerable Mr. Kringle make a list, he’d check it twice by developing a double-opt in process to guarantee all recipients are willing to accept his messages and truly believe.
If Santa Claus was an email marketer, he would likely institute a severely sophisticated process for monitoring behavior. He would alter his plans for delivery based on audience behaviors. Nice subscribers would get messages slightly different from those in the naughty segment.
Personal preferences, learned attributes (gathered by employing watchful email elves), age, gender and geography would all impact the delivery schedule and email content. Unlike many email marketers who send one single message to their entire list, St. Nick would strive to provide unique content and ultimate relevance to each of his recipient segments.
If Santa Claus was an email marketer, his email messages and your inbox would go together like figgy pudding and a cup of good cheer. Aiming for delivery rates bordering 100% with each send, he would employ the best team (probably those elves again) to keep his sender reputation immaculate among all the major ISPs.
Given his history with a certain red-nosed reindeer, Santa Claus would surely make the proper investments in delivery technology and email authentication to clear a path for his messages through foggy spam filters.
If Santa Claus was an email marketer, his messages would display in a manner that best suited his audience.
If you are like me, you grew up in a home without a chimney. Did that stop Santa Claus? Of course not! He climbed through the window, popped in through the back door, and made the necessary adjustments to get the gifts under the tree. In the same manner, Santa’s email messages would arrive in a legible format, no matter the audience’s preferred device.
Content Quality & Frequency
If Santa Claus was an email marketer, he would really distinguish himself in this category. His email messages would be more than expected; they would be highly anticipated. Can you imagine anyone tossing a delivery from Santa Claus in their junk box? Blasphemous! Santa Claus would view every email as a unique gift, and so would his message recipients.
I doubt Santa Claus would deliver messages with a terrible rate of frequency. He’d likely ensure there was some distance between messages. But the content… oh holy content! It would be the kind of quality stuff that inspires carolers to burst into song, gets lords-a-leaping, and whips freaking reindeer into a transcontinental flight pattern. Glory, glory hallelujah. Can your email content do that?
If Santa Claus was an email marketer, he would not pander to the non-believers. For those that have outgrown reindeer games, seen their heart shrink two sizes, or extinguished all the “aglow” from their lifeless eyes, Santa would make the opt out option very obvious and painless. You want to unsubscribe? Go ahead. See how many amazing deliveries you get from Father Christmas? Just remember, Santa Claus would allow you to opt back in at any time.
How would your email program compare to Santa’s? Is it currently full of “ho ho”, or is it comprised of a little too much “oh no?”
Be like Santa Claus. Make your next email delivery an anticipated, joyous and merry event.
How do you think ol’ Saint Nick would perform as an email marketer? Please let me know (the cheesier, the better).
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